Infidelity
With all of the recent news coverage about Sandra Bullock/Jesse James and Tiger Woods/Elin Woods, I’ve been wondering how people really feel about infidelity? Before Desmond and I got married – we talked a lot about what our expectations of marriage were and how we wanted to approach our life together. I think one of the main reasons that we had this conversation (because, let’s be honest, most couples don’t even think about things like this before they have to) is because I am bisexual. Desmond has always known this, so it wasn’t a big surprise. We also knew that for the benefit of our family we needed to discuss the ‘issue’.
One of the main problems I have encountered was the assumption that because I am attracted to both men and women – that I am somehow less of a faithful spouse. Monogamy is monogamy no matter what sex I am in a relationship with – I don’t cheat. One of the main reasons we had the discussion was because Desmond isn’t foolish – he knows that I’ll always be attracted to women and he told me straight out that he didn’t want me to feel stifled by our marriage. We decided that if I really felt like I wasn’t happy we could talk about it and decide if it would be OK for me to have sex outside of our marriage, but I haven’t and really have no desire to, to be honest. The important thing is that we had the conversation. If I do feel like that, I won’t feel uncomfortable talking to Desmond about it and we can both make a decision together. Once you get married, you’re a pair, a team. That’s how I feel, anyways – like we’re conquering life together and what is best for one of us might not be best for both, so we need to take a step back and see what works for us.
I also think that people who chronically cheat are kidding themselves if they think they can settle down and get married and never do it again. Sure, it might be a pipe dream for awhile, but once a cheater always a cheater. Even worse? The people who are the “other woman” or “other man” first and then become husband and wife. If s/he cheats WITH you, s/he’ll cheat on you. Be honest with yourself and your partner – if you know that eventually you’re going to stray? Save yourself the headache and don’t get married. Stay with your partner for as long as you’re happy in the relationship but don’t cheat. Don’t be disrespectful to what you have together – break it off before you hop into bed with someone else. It’s not rocket science here, kids. It’s pretty clear what’s right and wrong.
